Missing Mikayla: The Face of a Little Girl

Saturday, May 24, 2014

The Face of a Little Girl

I found this song today. Listened to it weeping and clutching my heart because it so perfectly speaks what I am feeling right now. I have never longed for heaven so much as I do now that I know it is the only place I will get any of these things he talks about in the song.

I never even got a good look at the face of my little girl. I have no pictures either. I can't wait to get to heaven and see those beautiful brown eyes and hold her precious little hand and kiss her sweet cheeks. As Paul said, "to live is Christ and to die is gain." But I know God is not finished with me yet. He has plans for me here still. I have a June Bug who needs her Mama. So I will make the most of my sojourn on Earth, all the while longing for the day I will be with my baby girl again.

3 comments:

Julie4:51 AM, May 25, 2014
Hi, I saw your recent comment at Jenny Lawson's place, and felt compelled to follow the links back here. I am truly and extremely so very sorry for your loss. As a mother myself, I can only imagine your immense pain.

Even though we come from different backgrounds, and name our belief systems differently, I can see that we are much alike in our spirituality. I recently came across this video, and thought of you again.

(If it doesn't come through as a link, as sometimes happens, just go to Christina Simonds' website and look for her Virtue Angel video, it's on her blog page from January 1 2013)

http://www.angelart-cs.com/?p=3666

Be well, love that June Bug, hug your husband, and know that these lessons which seem the hardest are ones we need the most.
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Amanda10:18 AM, June 23, 2014
I just found your blog today. I also lost my second child this year. He was stillborn at birth at 39 1/2 weeks. I also am a Christian and have a blog about my son Nathaniel, his legacy, and our journey through grief. NathanielsLegacy.blogspot.com

I don't know if you know this, but Steven Curtis Chapman lost his adopted daughter a few years ago. She was five or six and was hit by a car in their driveway by one of his older children who didn't see her as they were backing out. The song you posted is one he wrote after she died.
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Mikayla's Story

I found out I was pregnant in December of 2013. We told family at Christmas, and everyone was so excited, especially June Bug. She had been praying for a baby brother for about 2 years. Everything was great until at almost 15 weeks, I started bleeding. I was told it was due to a placenta previa. I was put on pelvic rest and told to take it easy.

Then at almost 19 weeks, I had 2 pretty big bleeding episodes, passed some huge blood clots, and apparently ruptured my membranes, because the scan they did the next morning showed almost no amniotic fluid. The doctors said I would most likely miscarry in the next 48 hours, and they might have to do surgery on me if they couldn't control the bleeding. I stayed in the hospital 4 days not even allowed to get out of bed. The doctors were surprised we made it that far, and let me go home on bed rest. Again all looked okay, and though I was still spotting, baby was still going strong and kicking. During this time we learned baby liked hot chocolate and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. My husband and daughter both got to feel kicks, and we were hopeful for a miracle.

At 21 weeks 5 days, I had an upset stomach after dinner. I thought it was something I ate, and after drinking some mint tea and lying down for a while I felt better. At 3am the next morning I woke up and was having strong contractions. We went to the ER, and called some friends to take our daughter.

The ultrasound showed no heartbeat. About 2 hours later our baby was born still on April 13.

I am still trying to sort out my emotions about it all. I am thankful that our little Mikayla Sophie (Who is like God in His wisdom?) never knew pain or suffering, but went from being enveloped in my motherly love in my womb, to being enveloped in God's fatherly love in His arms. I am thankful for those extra weeks I got to carry her and get to know her and feel her and shower her with love. And most of all I am thankful for the comfort that comes from knowing I will see my Mikayla again. That though I am missing her now, it is only temporary, and my current trials are not even worth comparing to the future glory that will be revealed! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!