Missing Mikayla: Day 17 and FMF: Long

Friday, October 17, 2014

Day 17 and FMF: Long

Joining up with Kate here for another five-minute Friday free-write on Day 17 of 31 Days of Healing

Prompt word of the week: Long

GO:

This week was long. Very long. Getting home from work late every day long. Falling asleep myself as I put June Bug to bed last night at 7:30 long. I am grateful for the weekend.

Time is a funny thing. It is so subjective. Some things seem to last so long, and others seem to go by in the blink of an eye, even when really they take the same amount of time.

When I think back on my time on bed rest, the days felt so long to me. Part of that was being in bed all day left me forced to leave business behind. But I think it was also a gift that God gave me. He knew even when I didn't that I would have to say good-bye to my precious baby soon. I believe He gave me that time on bed rest and made the days seem long to give me the time I needed to prepare my heart for what was to come.

As I've said before, I spent a lot of the time on bed rest praying, reading scripture, and meditating on the truths of the gospel. I also spent a lot of time online, doing research, trying to find out what kinds of journeys I could be in for.

While I long for the day I will hold my babies in heaven, I am thankful for the gift of those long days on bed rest with my Mikayla and my God.

STOP.

2 comments:

Pitterle Postings8:57 PM, October 17, 2014
This is so beautiful. I needed the reminder today that every single moment is precious. I believe that eternity waits and we will have the precious gifts that we have missed in this life. May you feel His peace in your heart.
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Anonymous10:27 PM, October 17, 2014
Beautiful, beautiful words. Sending you my best wishes and kindest thoughts.
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Mikayla's Story

I found out I was pregnant in December of 2013. We told family at Christmas, and everyone was so excited, especially June Bug. She had been praying for a baby brother for about 2 years. Everything was great until at almost 15 weeks, I started bleeding. I was told it was due to a placenta previa. I was put on pelvic rest and told to take it easy.

Then at almost 19 weeks, I had 2 pretty big bleeding episodes, passed some huge blood clots, and apparently ruptured my membranes, because the scan they did the next morning showed almost no amniotic fluid. The doctors said I would most likely miscarry in the next 48 hours, and they might have to do surgery on me if they couldn't control the bleeding. I stayed in the hospital 4 days not even allowed to get out of bed. The doctors were surprised we made it that far, and let me go home on bed rest. Again all looked okay, and though I was still spotting, baby was still going strong and kicking. During this time we learned baby liked hot chocolate and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. My husband and daughter both got to feel kicks, and we were hopeful for a miracle.

At 21 weeks 5 days, I had an upset stomach after dinner. I thought it was something I ate, and after drinking some mint tea and lying down for a while I felt better. At 3am the next morning I woke up and was having strong contractions. We went to the ER, and called some friends to take our daughter.

The ultrasound showed no heartbeat. About 2 hours later our baby was born still on April 13.

I am still trying to sort out my emotions about it all. I am thankful that our little Mikayla Sophie (Who is like God in His wisdom?) never knew pain or suffering, but went from being enveloped in my motherly love in my womb, to being enveloped in God's fatherly love in His arms. I am thankful for those extra weeks I got to carry her and get to know her and feel her and shower her with love. And most of all I am thankful for the comfort that comes from knowing I will see my Mikayla again. That though I am missing her now, it is only temporary, and my current trials are not even worth comparing to the future glory that will be revealed! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!