Day 12: I will Give you Rest

Day 12 of 31 days of healing, joining up with Kate for a 5-minute post on the topic of Rest.


Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

God made the world to function in patterns of waking and resting, day and night, summer and winter.

Go knows so well that we, the people he created, need our rest that he led by example and reserved a day out of every week as the day of rest.

Rest is so very important. And immediately following the loss of Mikayla it was the thing I struggled with the most. I would have a hard time falling asleep, then wake up multiple times every night. I found it hard to take naps. Sunday mornings in particular I was awake by 5am every week, feeling like a bowling ball had been dropped on my belly as I re-lived birthing my sweet girl who had already flown to heaven.

Now I have the opposite problem. Since I got a positive pregnancy test with Selah, I have wanted to sleep all the time. I go to bed early, hit the snooze once or twice every morning, and am ready for a nap when I get home from work pretty much every day. I didn't expect to still feel this way this long after losing Selah, but I still do.

Yes, rest is important, but too much is not good either. I am striving to find the balance between insomnia and constant sleepiness. It's hard.

But ultimately my soul finds rest in God alone, and He is the one that can stir my soul to action. I lean on Him to help me find my way, finding just enough rest under my savior's wings.

Day 1: Moving towards Healing

After Mikayla was stillborn, I had been bleeding for almost 2 months, and on bed rest for nearly a month. Add to that insomnia and grief, and I was pretty much zapped of all energy for a while. Even walking up the stairs to our apartment had me winded and weak in the knees.

I was feeling better by summer, but a month of vacation did little to motivate me toward exercise. Then I started a new job - busy, busy. Shortly after which I found out I was pregnant with Selah and first-trimester exhaustion kicked my butt.

Needless to say, it is high time I get back into a good exercise routine! I'm thinking of trying out some yoga, since I had been doing a prenatal yoga I found on YouTube while I was pregnant with Mikayla and found I really enjoyed it.

Anyone have tips for getting/keeping yourself motivated to exercise?

Just Tired

Feeling overwhelmed today. It's hot. So hot. My house is a mess. The kitchen sink is full of dishes and smells like something died in there (maybe something did?). I am still battling the roaches that decided to move into my kitchen when I had to move into bed and hubby had to move into temporary mom mode.

I feel like a rubber band stretched almost to the breaking point, ready to snap at whatever tries to stretch me the slightest bit more. Too often that is my husband. Or June Bug. Thankfully she is still young enough to think Mommy hung the moon, and forgives quickly when Mama snaps. And thankfully despite our many storms, he is still sticking it out, walking beside me as both of us looking desperately for the sun through the clouds.

I feel like my emotions have only two settings right now: off, or everything. Sometimes I go through the motions numb and half-sleep-walking through my day, just biding my time until I can crawl into bed at the end of the day. Other days the pain is welling up all through the day, tears threatening to spill out at the slightest provocation. Evening is when I let myself fall apart. Sometimes I sit at my computer while hubby is at work and June Bug is sleeping and I just weep.