One year old today
365 days of this earth traveling around the sun,
And now you're one!
Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl!
I imagine how chubby your thighs would have been,
As you toddled around with frosting coating your chin,
From your beautiful birthday cake.
I imagine the curls of your hair,
and the sticky crumbs you would share
With your loving big sister June Bug.
I imagine the gifts and ribbons and bows,
And dressing you up in the cutest new clothes,
And watching you play in the paper.
I imagine the giggles and smiles and babbles,
And the wonderful sound of your voice speaking
Straight to my heart, "Mama!"
I have to just imagine, you see,
Because you are no longer here with me.
365 days since my heart shattered.
You are one year old today.
I wish that you could have stayed,
To celebrate with us.
But even as we are down here,
We smile through our tears,
To think of Jesus holding you in heaven.
I never got to bring you home,
But one day He will bring me home to be with Him,
And you,
Forever.
Showing posts with label 13. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 13. Show all posts
Monday, April 13, 2015
Monday, October 13, 2014
Day 13: 13 Revisited
Day 13 of 31 days of healing
Well here it is again. The 13th. That date I dread every month. This month in particular because it is the 6 month mark. I cannot believe it has been half a year since I said goodbye to my sweet Mikayla Sophie. In some ways it seems like it was ages ago and I was a completely different person then. In other ways, it seems it was just yesterday the two of us were enjoying some hot chocolate together as I lay in the hospital on bed rest with multiple tubes running in and out of my body and I was so full of hope.
I think I am doing better now than I was 3 months ago. I have fewer bad days, and they are less severe when they do come. I am generally staying on top of things and beginning to find my equilibrium in the "new normal."
I do feel like I am healing, slowly, bit by bit, being knit back together.
Today still hurts.
Well here it is again. The 13th. That date I dread every month. This month in particular because it is the 6 month mark. I cannot believe it has been half a year since I said goodbye to my sweet Mikayla Sophie. In some ways it seems like it was ages ago and I was a completely different person then. In other ways, it seems it was just yesterday the two of us were enjoying some hot chocolate together as I lay in the hospital on bed rest with multiple tubes running in and out of my body and I was so full of hope.
I think I am doing better now than I was 3 months ago. I have fewer bad days, and they are less severe when they do come. I am generally staying on top of things and beginning to find my equilibrium in the "new normal."
I do feel like I am healing, slowly, bit by bit, being knit back together.
Today still hurts.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
13
They say the number 13 is bad luck. I have never really been superstitious about numbers, but boy do I hate the number 13 today.
April 13th, 2014 will be a date that will be seared on my brain for as long as I live. And now today, July 13th, marks 3 months, and exactly 13 weeks since that day my world was turned up-side down and I had to say good-bye to a daughter before ever getting the chance to say hello.
13 weeks. 13 Sundays re-living the horror as I inevitably wake up early morning, around 5 or 6, the time I gave birth 13 weeks ago (why do I never wake up on other nights?). Tomorrow will be the 13th Monday, when I should be adding another week to my pregnancy count (it would be 35) but instead look down at my empty belly with an ache inside instead of a child.
But I am glad I woke up this morning in time for church. I'm glad I forced myself to go through getting ready, putting on clothes, eating breakfast even though I didn't feel like doing anything but throwing the covers back over my head and shutting the world out for a day.
This morning the pastor preached on Revelation 1. He focused on the love of God, and the encouragement that John was sending to the people in the churches who were experiencing trials and persecution. He also focused on the phrase, "who is and was, and is to come." He spoke that John put "is" first in order to encourage us that God is not just the God of the past or the God of the future, but He is God right here and right now, present with us at this very moment.
As he summed up the sermon this morning, I felt like he was speaking directly to me when He said, "Whatever pain and trials you are facing, always remember that God's love is greater than our pain."
I still hate 13. It's still a hard day. But I am comforted remembering as one of the songs we sang this morning said, "He has hidden my life in the depths of His love, and covered me there with His hand." So I spend my 13th Sunday, July 13th, not huddled alone in bed under the bedspread, but lovingly tucked into the love of God, covered by His loving hand.
April 13th, 2014 will be a date that will be seared on my brain for as long as I live. And now today, July 13th, marks 3 months, and exactly 13 weeks since that day my world was turned up-side down and I had to say good-bye to a daughter before ever getting the chance to say hello.
13 weeks. 13 Sundays re-living the horror as I inevitably wake up early morning, around 5 or 6, the time I gave birth 13 weeks ago (why do I never wake up on other nights?). Tomorrow will be the 13th Monday, when I should be adding another week to my pregnancy count (it would be 35) but instead look down at my empty belly with an ache inside instead of a child.
But I am glad I woke up this morning in time for church. I'm glad I forced myself to go through getting ready, putting on clothes, eating breakfast even though I didn't feel like doing anything but throwing the covers back over my head and shutting the world out for a day.
This morning the pastor preached on Revelation 1. He focused on the love of God, and the encouragement that John was sending to the people in the churches who were experiencing trials and persecution. He also focused on the phrase, "who is and was, and is to come." He spoke that John put "is" first in order to encourage us that God is not just the God of the past or the God of the future, but He is God right here and right now, present with us at this very moment.
As he summed up the sermon this morning, I felt like he was speaking directly to me when He said, "Whatever pain and trials you are facing, always remember that God's love is greater than our pain."
I still hate 13. It's still a hard day. But I am comforted remembering as one of the songs we sang this morning said, "He has hidden my life in the depths of His love, and covered me there with His hand." So I spend my 13th Sunday, July 13th, not huddled alone in bed under the bedspread, but lovingly tucked into the love of God, covered by His loving hand.
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