Sunday, July 13, 2014


They say the number 13 is bad luck. I have never really been superstitious about numbers, but boy do I hate the number 13 today.

April 13th, 2014 will be a date that will be seared on my brain for as long as I live. And now today, July 13th, marks 3 months, and exactly 13 weeks since that day my world was turned up-side down and I had to say good-bye to a daughter before ever getting the chance to say hello.

13 weeks. 13 Sundays re-living the horror as I inevitably wake up early morning, around 5 or 6, the time I gave birth 13 weeks ago (why do I never wake up on other nights?). Tomorrow will be the 13th Monday, when I should be adding another week to my pregnancy count (it would be 35) but instead look down at my empty belly with an ache inside instead of a child.

But I am glad I woke up this morning in time for church. I'm glad I forced myself to go through getting ready, putting on clothes, eating breakfast even though I didn't feel like doing anything but throwing the covers back over my head and shutting the world out for a day.

This morning the pastor preached on Revelation 1. He focused on the love of God, and the encouragement that John was sending to the people in the churches who were experiencing trials and persecution. He also focused on the phrase, "who is and was, and is to come." He spoke that John put "is" first in order to encourage us that God is not just the God of the past or the God of the future, but He is God right here and right now, present with us at this very moment.

As he summed up the sermon this morning, I felt like he was speaking directly to me when He said, "Whatever  pain and trials you are facing, always remember that God's love is greater than our pain."

I still hate 13. It's still a hard day. But I am comforted remembering as one of the songs we sang this morning said, "He has hidden my life in the depths of His love, and covered me there with His hand." So I spend my 13th Sunday, July 13th, not huddled alone in bed under the bedspread, but lovingly tucked into the love of God, covered by His loving hand.

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