Missing Mikayla: FMF: Keep

Friday, February 6, 2015

FMF: Keep

GO:

More than anything right now, I want to keep this baby. I want to hold this baby and never let go.

I wanted to keep Mikayla, too. And Selah.

I know that nothing on earth is truly mine to keep. It all belongs to God, and He keeps it all in His hands, like the song I sing with June Bug about the whole world, and the Mommies and Daddies, and when I sing the little bitty babies the tears well up because I know He's holding two of mine.

Make that four of His.

He's got June bug and Mikayla in His hands, He's got Selah and little rainbow in His hands, He's got the whole world in His hands.

And I know that none of them are really mine because all of them are His and He has blessed me to loan them to me for a time. For Selah it was very short. Mikayla a little longer. Hopefully June Bug and Rainbow will be here in my hands a good long while, but even so they are not really mine, and I can't hold too tightly.

But I know He holds tightly to us all, and no one can snatch us out of His hands. So may the Lord bless us and Keep us; may His face shine upon us and bring us His peace.

STOP

Joining up with Five Minute Friday for 5 minutes of writing free of editing and second-guessing and agonizing.

1 comment:

Measi10:21 PM, February 06, 2015
(( huge hugs )) I'm so sorry that you are in this position of mourning, and I do hope that with time and prayers, you're able to find a way to smooth the raw spots over the wounds until you're able to see your babies again. Blessings to you!

- Measi
http://www.measi.net/measiblog/
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Mikayla's Story

I found out I was pregnant in December of 2013. We told family at Christmas, and everyone was so excited, especially June Bug. She had been praying for a baby brother for about 2 years. Everything was great until at almost 15 weeks, I started bleeding. I was told it was due to a placenta previa. I was put on pelvic rest and told to take it easy.

Then at almost 19 weeks, I had 2 pretty big bleeding episodes, passed some huge blood clots, and apparently ruptured my membranes, because the scan they did the next morning showed almost no amniotic fluid. The doctors said I would most likely miscarry in the next 48 hours, and they might have to do surgery on me if they couldn't control the bleeding. I stayed in the hospital 4 days not even allowed to get out of bed. The doctors were surprised we made it that far, and let me go home on bed rest. Again all looked okay, and though I was still spotting, baby was still going strong and kicking. During this time we learned baby liked hot chocolate and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. My husband and daughter both got to feel kicks, and we were hopeful for a miracle.

At 21 weeks 5 days, I had an upset stomach after dinner. I thought it was something I ate, and after drinking some mint tea and lying down for a while I felt better. At 3am the next morning I woke up and was having strong contractions. We went to the ER, and called some friends to take our daughter.

The ultrasound showed no heartbeat. About 2 hours later our baby was born still on April 13.

I am still trying to sort out my emotions about it all. I am thankful that our little Mikayla Sophie (Who is like God in His wisdom?) never knew pain or suffering, but went from being enveloped in my motherly love in my womb, to being enveloped in God's fatherly love in His arms. I am thankful for those extra weeks I got to carry her and get to know her and feel her and shower her with love. And most of all I am thankful for the comfort that comes from knowing I will see my Mikayla again. That though I am missing her now, it is only temporary, and my current trials are not even worth comparing to the future glory that will be revealed! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!