Thursday, December 3, 2015

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I am sorry for the long silence.  In the latter part of my pregnancy I didn't know what to write except that I was fighting the fear, frequently praying for the baby to kick so I would know she was okay.

And then finally, on July 31, our little rainbow Chickadee decided the time was right to hatch.  My water broke at 10am as I was on the way out the door for my 40 week appointment,  and Chickadee let out her first scream at 7:55pm and it was just about the most beautiful sound this Mama has ever heard.

My Chickadee is 4 months old now,  rolling over,  grabbing at her toes, and smiling and laughing at everyone she sees.  We had a rough start to breastfeeding,  battling thrush, overactive letdown,  reflux,  and milk protein sensitivity,  but I am pleased to say we're still going strong even though she's had to have a few bottles of formula when I started back to work until I figured out the whole pumping thing.

I wish I could say that my heart is healed and no longer has a gaping hole, but I cannot.  What I can say is that the rest of my heart has grown and stretched and been filled up with joy once again. There is still a hint of bitterness in all the sweets (like washing the "baby's first Christmas" outfit that should have been worn last December, or having a photo shoot of my daughters with only a bear where Mikayla and Selah should have been), but I am also seeing new sweetness in the bitter. And through it all, I find myself clinging to and calling on my savior all the more.  I am so grateful that He has allowed us to find joy and light once again.