Missing Mikayla: FMF: Waiting in Faith

Thursday, January 29, 2015

FMF: Waiting in Faith

Joining in for a 5 minute Friday free-write with Kate and the gang

Prompt of the week: WAIT

GO:

I can't wait!

I can't wait until I can feel this tiny baby moving and kicking and reassuring Mama that all is well.

I can't wait until this awkward little bump grows big enough that I look pregnant and not just bloated or fat.

I can't wait to find out if June Bug, Mikayla, and Selah are getting a baby brother, or another sister.

I can't wait to be waddling around big and pregnant, complaining about back aches and cankles.

I can't wait to have a baby shower and wash all the tiny precious onesies and sleepers and itty-bitty mittens and socks.

Most of all I can't wait until a doctor places a screaming bundle of life into my arms and gives congratulations instead of condolences.

In the meantime: faith, not fear. FAITH, not fear. That is my mantra for 2015, and I repeat it to myself every time the enemy creeps in and whispers that maybe I can't trust God because after all, didn't He let me down before?

In the waiting place, FAITH, not fear.

STOP

11 comments:

Princess Morag10:32 PM, January 29, 2015
I like your mantra. Praying for that day when the baby is safe in your arms. visiting from FMF
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Missing Mikayla10:39 PM, January 29, 2015
Amen! God is with us all the way!
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Susan12:34 PM, January 30, 2015
FAITH, not fear. I am in agreement with you. Bless you as you wait! #FMF
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Missing Mikayla10:36 PM, January 30, 2015
Thank you!
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Marisa10:52 PM, January 30, 2015
FAITH, not fear! I love that. I pray your pregnancy goes well and that you enjoy a happy healthy baby. I have had several miscarriages (first trimester) and the pain is still very real but my kids help me get through it. Knowing that my little ones in Heaven opened their eyes and the first face they saw was that of our Father-God helped me more than any therapy ever did. How blessed our tiny ones are to have only experienced life with God!! Many hugs to you as you walk this journey.
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hooahsgirl10:03 AM, January 31, 2015
Praying with you faith, never fear. XO
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Unknown11:35 AM, January 31, 2015
Oh, sweet sister, I'm praying for that faith to overrule all fear, that God will pour out His assurances on your heart of His love and His faithfulness despite all the hurt you have walked... that as you have suffered with Him, you will rejoice with Him.
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Courtney Lynn Harris5:22 PM, February 01, 2015
Oh, congratulations! May you experience a rich peace as you walk through this season of waiting!
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Mikayla's Story

I found out I was pregnant in December of 2013. We told family at Christmas, and everyone was so excited, especially June Bug. She had been praying for a baby brother for about 2 years. Everything was great until at almost 15 weeks, I started bleeding. I was told it was due to a placenta previa. I was put on pelvic rest and told to take it easy.

Then at almost 19 weeks, I had 2 pretty big bleeding episodes, passed some huge blood clots, and apparently ruptured my membranes, because the scan they did the next morning showed almost no amniotic fluid. The doctors said I would most likely miscarry in the next 48 hours, and they might have to do surgery on me if they couldn't control the bleeding. I stayed in the hospital 4 days not even allowed to get out of bed. The doctors were surprised we made it that far, and let me go home on bed rest. Again all looked okay, and though I was still spotting, baby was still going strong and kicking. During this time we learned baby liked hot chocolate and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. My husband and daughter both got to feel kicks, and we were hopeful for a miracle.

At 21 weeks 5 days, I had an upset stomach after dinner. I thought it was something I ate, and after drinking some mint tea and lying down for a while I felt better. At 3am the next morning I woke up and was having strong contractions. We went to the ER, and called some friends to take our daughter.

The ultrasound showed no heartbeat. About 2 hours later our baby was born still on April 13.

I am still trying to sort out my emotions about it all. I am thankful that our little Mikayla Sophie (Who is like God in His wisdom?) never knew pain or suffering, but went from being enveloped in my motherly love in my womb, to being enveloped in God's fatherly love in His arms. I am thankful for those extra weeks I got to carry her and get to know her and feel her and shower her with love. And most of all I am thankful for the comfort that comes from knowing I will see my Mikayla again. That though I am missing her now, it is only temporary, and my current trials are not even worth comparing to the future glory that will be revealed! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!