Monday, October 20, 2014

Day 20: Fear

Day 20 of 31 days of healing, joining with Kate for a 5-minute free-write on the topic of Fear.

Fear is something I battle against all the time now. Fear that I will never get pregnant again. Fear that I will, and will lose another baby. Fear that something will happen to June Bug.

I remember writing before about waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feeling like God had not protected me from the huge hurt of saying good-bye to Mikayla, so why would He protect me from any number of other hurts as well?

I no longer feel that way. I'm no longer holding my breath in fear. I am winning the fight, in His strength. I am choosing to trust when fear comes creeping in. I am learning to preach the gospel to myself over and over again and remember God's faithfulness and love.

I don't know if the fear will ever go away forever, but I do know now that perfect love drives out fear. When I look at the circumstances, I can't help but fear, like the disciples in the boat looking at the storm and crying, "Save us or we'll drown!" But like the disciples, I know where to turn. Jesus is my only hope, and it is resting in His love alone that will drive out the fear and fill my heart with faith.

I don't know what God holds in store for me or my family, but I do know that He is good all the time, and His love endures forever.


Ps. I would appreciate prayers tonight as my husband is having some hard conversations at work which could drastically effect the direction our family takes over the next few months and years. But I know that God is working all things together for good!

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