Fear

I used to be afraid of needles.

I was so afraid of needles, that I passed out after getting a tetanus booster as a teenager. I looked away, gritted my teeth, and grimaced, forcing myself to take slow deep breathes whenever I needed a shot or blood draw or anything else involving needles. The worst were IVs. I hated when they put it in, I hated having it in, and I hated when they took it out.

I'm not afraid of needles anymore. Bring it. Poke me with all you've got.

At one point while I was pregnant with Mikayla, I had an IV in each arm, and got blood drawn 3 times in 2 days for various tests. The nurses were injecting antibiotics into those IVs every 6 hours, and I could feel it going into my veins. One hand turned all puffy and they had to re-do that IV in a different spot, and then the one on the other elbow started hurting really badly, so they moved it to my hand, but my elbow hurt for days afterwards.

There is a possibility that I will need daily injections when/if I get pregnant again to be able to carry a baby safely to term. Go ahead. Give me the needles.

I'm not afraid of needles anymore because I have faced something that inflicted far more pain and terror, and I am still standing. My fear of losing my child is so much more than my fear of needles, that I would endure poking myself with needles 100 times every day for 9 months and keeping multiple IVs in at all times if it would guarantee I would get to bring my baby home from the hospital to raise.

I know there are no guarantees in this life. I know even with as far as medicine has come, it is not so simple to say that a positive pregnancy test equals taking home a baby nine months later. And that scares me so much more than any needle ever could.

But I do know there are guarantees in the life to come. That I will get to spend eternity with my savior and my baby in a place needles will never be needed again for anything. Hallelujah!