Thursday, June 26, 2014
Five Minute Friday: Lost
Oh my. Lost. What a topic for me. I could write for 5 days about lost.
I have lost. I lost my baby, my daughter, my love. I lost being pregnant, and 3am feedings, and poopy diapers, and toothless grins. I lost first steps, and first day of school, and first love, and first heart-break. I lost graduation days, and a wedding day, and grandchildren. I lost a lifetime I was looking forward to sharing so much.
I feel lost. Some days I feel like I am drifting through a stormy sea without a compass. I don't know where I am or where I'm going, all I know is the waves keep coming and the clouds keep rolling and the thunder keeps crashing inside my head and it feels like all will be lost.
I hate the word lost. I hate having to say I lost my baby girl. Like she was my car keys or cell phone or insignificant trinket that I misplaced. "She's not actually lost!" I want to scream. I know where she is, I just can't go there to get her and bring her back.
And would I even if I could?
No, I don't think I would, because I know that though she is lost to earth, she has been found by heaven. She has been found by Love incarnate and wrapped in immortal splendor never to be lost again.
I know she has found. She has found happiness and joy worshiping at the feet of the savior. She has found an everlasting home where no tear will ever have to fall from her eyes. She has found peace and everlasting mercy.
I know that I can find my way. Because I know where my Mikayla is, I may miss her every day, but I know where to find my happiness and my joy and my peace. And it is worshiping at the feet of that same savior who holds her in His arms, because He carries me, too. He has found me and ransomed me and will never let me go.
Though I can never get back all the moments I wish I could have shared on Earth with Mikayla, I know they all pale in comparison to the joyous eternity of praising God side-by-side with my daughter.
I once was lost, but now am found. To live is Christ, and to die is gain.