Thursday, June 26, 2014

Five Minute Friday: Lost

Five Minute Friday


Oh my. Lost. What a topic for me. I could write for 5 days about lost.

I have lost. I lost my baby, my daughter, my love. I lost being pregnant, and 3am feedings, and poopy diapers, and toothless grins. I lost first steps, and first day of school, and first love, and first heart-break. I lost graduation days, and a wedding day, and grandchildren. I lost a lifetime I was looking forward to sharing so much.

I feel lost. Some days I feel like I am drifting through a stormy sea without a compass. I don't know where I am or where I'm going, all I know is the waves keep coming and the clouds keep rolling and the thunder keeps crashing inside my head and it feels like all will be lost.

I hate the word lost. I hate having to say I lost my baby girl. Like she was my car keys or cell phone or insignificant trinket that I misplaced. "She's not actually lost!" I want to scream. I know where she is, I just can't go there to get her and bring her back.

And would I even if I could?

No, I don't think I would, because I know that though she is lost to earth, she has been found by heaven. She has been found by Love incarnate and wrapped in immortal splendor never to be lost again.

I know she has found. She has found happiness and joy worshiping at the feet of the savior. She has found an everlasting home where no tear will ever have to fall from her eyes. She has found peace and everlasting mercy.

I know that I can find my way. Because I know where my Mikayla is, I may miss her every day, but I know where to find my happiness and my joy and my peace. And it is worshiping at the feet of that same savior who holds her in His arms, because He carries me, too. He has found me and ransomed me and will never let me go.

Though I can never get back all the moments I wish I could have shared on Earth with Mikayla, I know they all pale in comparison to the joyous eternity of praising God side-by-side with my daughter.

I once was lost, but now am found. To live is Christ, and to die is gain.


  1. Sending you so much love tonight. I also lost my baby girl. Her due date was this week. I keep hoping it will get easier.

    1. (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss, and praying that God's comfort would make it easier to bear the grief each day.

  2. Oh my-- I feel like I don't have words to honor what you have written, and even less what you have experienced. I feel that I can feel just a tiny bit of your aching pain in these potent words. How beautifully expressed. Thank you.

  3. May God continue to remind you that Mikayla is far from being lost. She is in His loving hands. And may He continue to bring you healing through your writing. Thanks for sharing your heart and your gift. #fmf

  4. Wow, sending healing and loving thoughts to you today. Heart wrenching post.

  5. Even as I knew this post would be heart breaking, I clicked on your link. Because I have visited before from FMF, I also knew that your post would be beautiful and touching and encouraging. You always point back to the hope we have in Christ. Always. I love that you have the courage to share your heart and your hope. I just read a book that I believe with all my soul would encourage you. It is written by a woman whose daughter's heart stopped beating 2 days before her due date. It is the story of her journey through grief and into hope. Not that the grief has disappeared - that never fully goes away - but she shares the blessings that God has given her to cope with her grief. I would be honored if you would visit her website: I pray it would bless you.

    1. Thank you, Kelli. I started this blog partly because I found comfort in reading about the journey others have gone through, and I pray that my writing will bring comfort and hope to others. Thanks for the link - I will check it out!


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