Missing Mikayla: Five Minute Friday: Close

Friday, May 23, 2014

Five Minute Friday: Close

Writing for 5 minutes on the topic "close"
GO:

How can someone be so close and yet so far away? He is right there beside me. I can reach out and touch him, kiss him, hug him. And yet there is a million-mile gulf between us. A gulf filled with the ugliness of our sins toward each other. Our selfishness. Our anger. Our impatience. Our self-absorbed self-righteousness.

How can someone be so far and yet so close? She is in heaven. She is beyond the reach of my hands, my kiss, my sight. And yet, she is so close to my heart. She is in my every thought. She is held near and dear and beloved and sorely missed.

How do I bridge the gulf? How do I fill the gaping hole in my heart?

Only by holding Jesus close. Jesus, hold me close. Never let me go.

STOP

2 comments:

Anonymous9:41 PM, May 23, 2014
This is deep and brave write. thank you for sharing.
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michelle2:05 PM, May 25, 2014
I'm sorry for your loss. I pray you feel the Lord's arms around you as He holds you.
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Mikayla's Story

I found out I was pregnant in December of 2013. We told family at Christmas, and everyone was so excited, especially June Bug. She had been praying for a baby brother for about 2 years. Everything was great until at almost 15 weeks, I started bleeding. I was told it was due to a placenta previa. I was put on pelvic rest and told to take it easy.

Then at almost 19 weeks, I had 2 pretty big bleeding episodes, passed some huge blood clots, and apparently ruptured my membranes, because the scan they did the next morning showed almost no amniotic fluid. The doctors said I would most likely miscarry in the next 48 hours, and they might have to do surgery on me if they couldn't control the bleeding. I stayed in the hospital 4 days not even allowed to get out of bed. The doctors were surprised we made it that far, and let me go home on bed rest. Again all looked okay, and though I was still spotting, baby was still going strong and kicking. During this time we learned baby liked hot chocolate and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. My husband and daughter both got to feel kicks, and we were hopeful for a miracle.

At 21 weeks 5 days, I had an upset stomach after dinner. I thought it was something I ate, and after drinking some mint tea and lying down for a while I felt better. At 3am the next morning I woke up and was having strong contractions. We went to the ER, and called some friends to take our daughter.

The ultrasound showed no heartbeat. About 2 hours later our baby was born still on April 13.

I am still trying to sort out my emotions about it all. I am thankful that our little Mikayla Sophie (Who is like God in His wisdom?) never knew pain or suffering, but went from being enveloped in my motherly love in my womb, to being enveloped in God's fatherly love in His arms. I am thankful for those extra weeks I got to carry her and get to know her and feel her and shower her with love. And most of all I am thankful for the comfort that comes from knowing I will see my Mikayla again. That though I am missing her now, it is only temporary, and my current trials are not even worth comparing to the future glory that will be revealed! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!